Fairly Reasonable, I'd Say
by moosie49
Summary: Series of OneShots on Lupin and Tonks : "Yes, yes, I bloody well know you're dangerous, you buffoon ! Let me know when you actually come up with a significant reason ! I LOVE YOU, YOU DOLT ! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, TOERAG !"
1. Marry Me !

Okay, this is how I imagined Tonks and Lupin discussing marriage. Be nice to lupin, he's only concerned for her safety. :) reviews would be lovely...

Disclaimer... : I don't own Harry Potter, only this idea for a fanfiction which is sorely unqualified compared to the loveliness of that entire series...

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Remus Lupin stood almost paralyzed and very pale faced, looking at a woman whose eyes were flashing from violet to red, and her hair a mixture of blue and fiery orange. The orange reminded him of Harry's best friend, Ron, and his family.

And of the grave danger imposed upon everyone by Lord Voldemort. _The jerk._

"What ?!" HE asked, completely stunned, more so, in fact, thank if you had done it with a wand. "YOU want me to what ?!"

"I want you to marry me," Tonks said tearfully, but still managing to ignore the hurt spurred by his obvious surprise.

"No way ! It would put you in considerably more danger than you're in now, considering you're a damn auror !"

"Oh, and you're Safe Sally, prancing around underground with your werewolf buddies ! I am perfectly fine with taking care of myself." Her tears fell, each one caressing her cheek, a knife twisting in Lupin's heart. "It's the same argument every time.

"Don't we deserve some happiness ? Remus, you haven't actually smiled in weeks ! It's insane to try to fight when we're facing terror and evil while we're all depressed and disunited. And what about Dementors ? If we aren't happy, they know it."

"Tonks. Don't you understand ? I'm-"

"Yes, yes, I bloody well know you're dangerous, you buffoon ! Let me know when you actually come up with a significant reason ! I LOVE YOU, YOU DOLT ! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, TOERAG ?!"

Remus Lupin was, to say the least, mildly shocked. He sank into the nearest chair, groaning. "Oh no,… no… no… what has happened ? You'll get hurt," he looked at her agonized, terror in his eyes, "I know it. And it'll wind up being me on a full moon doing it."

"No," she said firmly, "it certainly will not."

"Your parents hate me."

She suppressed a grin. She could feel his resolve weakening. "They're afraid you'll eat me…" She said nonchalantly.

"Oh, well, if that's all…" he growled… "I'm dangerous !"

"yeah, so you've mentioned a few times preceding this conversation." Tonks narrowed her eyes.

"I'm a bleedin' werewolf, for Merlin's sake !"

"That's enough, Remus," she ground out, irritated.

"It certainly is not… um…" he searched his mind for any reason that might put her off. "I always wear my socks to bed when I'm camping and kick them off in the bag. We'll run out of socks, I forget they're in there. Every time we camp you'll find age old socks !"

"Lets just put you in Azkaban, why don't we ? What a horrible, disgusting crime ! Much worse than any Pettigrew has committed." Her hair turned a peculiar shade of brown and green and pink. It was quite amazing. She stamped her foot and her eyes turned yellow. She looked rather petulant when she growled, "Marry me, dammit ! Marry me, Remus, or I'll see to it that the next time you sit on the bloody toilet one of Hagrid's scorpions comes out and bite you in the bum, you… you stupid… you stupid werewolf !" She threw her arms out for emphasis, knocking over a large lamp. She stared for a moment, then kicked it. She then ran over and started to punch any part of Lupin she could reach.

Lupin smiled. "You dare order a werewolf around ? Dare command one to do something ?"

She nodded, still rather upset.

"Much less threaten one ? Not very smart…"

"Well, I guess it's a chance I'm willing to take," she challenged.

"I love you," Lupin said at last and relief was obvious in her eyes.

She pulled him in for a kiss, her punches turned to caresses.

"Alright," he said against her lips a moment later.

"Hmmm… ?"

"I'll marry you."

Something whacked him on the head with a dull, loud _thunk._

"_Took you long enough, you prat!" Tonks growled, her hair back to her favorite color, and kissed him again._


	2. Remus, I Am Having A Baby

"Lupin!" I screamed. I'm sure everyone in a five mile radius could hear, including Death Eaters, but that was just too damn bad. I have bigger problems here. "Get in here!"

"What? What's wrong? Has something happened?" He rushed in, his hair all floppy, his eyes blinking from sleep deprivation due to some more Order business he'd been attending to. "Are you alright?"

"No! I am NOT alright!" I growled. "Why would I scream if I was alright? You bleeding idiot, just get me out of this bed, I'm having a baby for Christ's sake."

"What, now?" He looked confused. I didn't think there was anything that could be confusing in 'I'm having a baby,' but who knows? He always has been a little slow on the uptake.

"No, next year. YES right now!"

I stood up, and started walking as another pain ripped through my body, and when it was over I was left shaking where I stood, gripping the bedpost.

He stared at me for a moment, I could tell he was confused. I wonder if he'd run into any Death Eaters lately. A very powerful confundus charm would explain his lack of understanding.

"Oh my god. What do we do?" He started pacing back and forth. "What do we do? What hospital do we go to? Is there even time? Here," he grabbed my arms and leaned me against the bed, "stay here, right there and I guess…you push? I don't really know. Yeah, just push. That's how they do it on muggle television, right?" He bent down and positioned his hands as if to 'catch' the baby. Literally. Like it would just drop out into his hands.

I laughed for a moment, but pain ripped through me again.

"Remus."

"Maybe you should be laying down for this?"

"Remus."

"Or maybe, maybe you should just stay there? Which is more comfortable for you? Least hazardous for the child?

"Remus!"

"What? Is there time to get you to a hospital yet or do we have to do this h-"

I grabbed his face in my hands. "Remus," he blinked a couple of times.

"Yes?"

"I am having a baby. Can you please get me to St. Mungo's now?"

He nodded.

I know he's not a simpleton or whatever, but really. Ever since we've married he's just been so…thick headed. Absolutely thick.

We walked through the hallway, him ahead of me as to get my coat and open the door. As I waddled by I accidentally hit the lamp post for the third time this week. It fell to the floor and the torch bulb shattered. I looked at it for a moment. How I've always hated that wretched thing. My mother insisted it stay here. She knows how clumsy I am, but still she insisted. Thank god it's dead now. I kicked it again to make sure.

Okay, so it wasn't to make sure it was dead. I was just really frustrated that it had to fall right now.

"Tonks. Come ON. You're having a baby. Remember?"

I looked at the lamp one more time, thinking one more kick should suffice.

"Nymphadora, forget the bloody lamp. Let's go."

I rolled my eyes, took his hand and disapparated.


End file.
